10/30/2012

I have found that in moments of crisis I look at things in a very unrealistic way. Let’s take right now for an example, I am sitting at the kitchen table looking out the window thinking how cool it must be to live in Venice, realizing that there is something so inviting (and chic)about stairs that lead directly into the water. I imagine guests pulling up in their little boats gracefully stepping on to your step to make their entrance to your gala, your annual mascaraed, or your spouse’s birthday. What would I wear? The thumping sound of the Black hawk helicopter in the background flying just above the water looking for people in need, bodies or whatever else is out there is only slightly injecting my senses with sobriety or maybe it was that last sip of yesterday’s cold coffee that’s trying to give me that final call to reality. Without a doubt I am in shock, we all are in shock and with that what will this day unfold? Stuck in the house which is now its own island, looking at steps that use to lead to docks or land fade into the water.  

I keep getting asked what it is like to take a direct hit from a hurricane. A huge crash of wind and rain comes hammering down and flattening everything in its way… well that is how I have always thought it would be but in truth it’s a slow thing and almost unbelievable thing. To see water slowly rise higher and higher soon filling the garage, soccer balls, boxes and once valuable items instantly ruined to trash, floating everywhere. It starts with a small puddle appearing and in a few minutes there is an inch of water in the room, then a foot, you step in it its cold, your cold, but what do you do? Your house that was once on the water is now a part of the water.  Oh sure it is loud, the wind violent, the rain hitting the house like 100 drummers randomly beating their sticks on the wall, weird creaks, the sound of things ramming the house indicated by some distant thud two walls over that after a while goes unnoticed. In the end everything you own is now trash. But mainly what gets you is you. Your own fears your own fatigue. You have to really fight the urge to not entertain the thought of tsunami waves, the wind ripping the roof off or worse….After all, fear doesn’t lead to good decision or situational awareness. The aftermath is actually worse. I and everyone around me is constantly fighting off depression. Interestingly I have no self-motivation, no one does, just the motivation to help others, where in we all find the power to start the cleanup.

 It’s interesting to see devastation 2nd hand, on a tv, the internet or by word of mouth and as an outsider it is really hard to absorb what’s really happening since the concepts of what is happening cannot be linked to anything in most of our minds. I think my response to Katrina was…waaaoooo… that suuucks, looks like I won’t be going to Mardi Gras this year. ---Pause, now break. ---and I kept going with my day to day. But when the world all-around you is crumbling, suddenly things like the World Series, Cartier and your lovers quarrels seem pointless leaving me with a level of guilt for every time I celebrated or mindlessly took everything for granted  while others  suffered. I know that one cannot and should not take on to much of the world’s problems, but it is healthy to sit and reflect about what’s important, what you are thankful for and to not take things like Haiti,  the conflicts in the middle east, drug wars, starvation, human rights violations or any other of man’s unnecessary quests for power and control as something that has nothing to do with you.  After all if we lived in the Gaza Strip our houses would have a hurricane called a tractor tearing them down.

Mantoloking NJ

Moving a boat out of the street so we can get by.